Valentine’s Day is behind us once again, and I sincerely hope all of you survived the hoopla and drama of unmet expectations and broken dreams brought to you courtesy of the Valentine Industrial Complex.
This year, I risked a few unmet expectations and some broken dreams by delaying the celebration a day in order to take advantage of post-holiday markdowns.
It may come as a surprise to many of you but I do harbor an inner fiscal conservative and the lure of 50 percent off heart-shaped boxes of chocolates was enough to make him slip his leash and do some serious damage to the clearance aisle at Walgreens before I got him back under control.
Thankfully, I got him reeled in before he snatched up a bouquet of droopy, shopworn roses that had not weathered the 24 hours since the holiday nearly as well as the chocolates I was clutching in my cheap little paws.
Aside from the near-miss with the ravaged roses, I am happy to report that the experiment was a success. It’s hard to argue with twice as much chocolate. But the risk of disaster was real. And I’m not just talking about having to deal with drama and tears. Things could have gone wrong. Very wrong.
Others who disappointed their partner on Valentine’s Day as I must have done might have arrived home on the night of Feb. 15 to be greeted, not with a well-seared medium rare steak and a bottle of Merlot, but with divorce papers.
Yep, the day after Valentine’s Day shows a statistical spike in the number of divorce filings and one can only assume that it’s due to the unmet expectations and broken dreams of the night before.
Who knew the stakes of Valentine’s Day were so high?
According to AttorneyFee.com, a legal referral site, referrals for a divorce lawyer on the site increase 38 percent following Valentine’s Day, with the biggest spike on the day after the holiday. February is the busiest month of the year for divorce filings, up about 18 percent from the average month.
That is a lot of broken dreams. It’s hard for me to imagine that anyone could be so upset by a holiday failing to meet their expectations that they just chuck their relationship into the trashcan. And yet, it seems to be happening a lot.
Seems shallow to me. And short-sighted. Just wait a day, people. There might be twice as much chocolate tomorrow. And maybe some wilted roses. Patience is a virtue.
But, no. While the Valentine Industrial Complex is telling us we’re supposed to be using Valentine’s Day to celebrate our star-crossed loves, some folks are treating it as the end of the grading period and using the day to assess their personal happiness and relationship satisfaction in the previous year.
And it’s not going well. Divorce filing goes up 38 percent and websites that specialize in assisting married folks in having affairs report Feb. 15 as a big day for new sign-ups.
So bear in mind that the stakes of Feb. 14 are very, very high. This is not a day of love. It’s more like final exams. And you’d better perform well or you’re going to get expelled.
So I cannot in good conscience encourage you to wait for Feb. 15 to buy your Valentine’s chocolate. Your results may vary, and not in a good way.
I certainly would not want to be responsible for your beloved hauling your butt into divorce court for trying to save a few bucks. That would certainly be unfortunate.
So you’re on your own as far as keeping your inner cheapskate leashed and under control.
Reach Bill Colvard at 336-415-4699.