Santa’s logistical nightmare


By Andy Winemiller - awinemiller@civitasmedia.com



Michaela Boger, of Mocksville, said she’s not too old to submit her Christmas wish-list to Santa.


Abigail Hudy, 7, takes an opportunity for a photo opportunity with Santa Claus at Bear Creek Gifts on Main Street.


Carter Simmons, 4, poses for a picture with Santa at Remember When Antiques in Mount Airy.


Nathan Brown, 8, tells Santa he wants a football, among other items, at Wally’s Service Station Saturday.


Many folks have wanted the means to be two places at once. One might ask themselves, How can I watch football on Saturday and also be at work?

These are the simple trials and tribulations of a college football fan who works some Saturdays. However, this predicament is nothing compared to the situation one man faces in the days and weeks preceding Christmas.

Santa Claus must be everywhere. He is the most highly-booked celebrity in the world. Whether the event is a parade, a school dance or an office party, Santa ought to make an appearance.

Somehow, some way, the fat man in the red coat must gather the Christmas wish-lists of 1.9 billion children around the world. The logistical nightmare of collecting wish-lists, tasking elves to build ever-more advanced toys and then delivering those toys to all those kids in one night must be a task of epic proportions.

However, if there’s one person in the world ready to step up to the plate and take on the logistical nightmare of bringing Christmas to families, it must be the man who resides at the North Pole.

Santa was hard at work on Saturday. He was greeting customers and posing for photo opportunities at Wally’s Service Station. A trip up Main Street also revealed Santa to be present at Bear Creek Gifts, but he was also at Remember When Antiques.

How could this be so? How could Santa be three places at once? For this answer, it seemed apparent the only people with insight might be those Santa Claus subject-matter experts all around us.

That’s right, to explain the secrets behind the logistical impossibility Santa pulls off every year, without a single inconsistency, one must consult a child.

In a run-in with Santa and Nathan Brown, 8, of Germanton, at Wally’s Service Station, Nathan was able to explain how Santa collects the lists of gifts and how the North Pole produces billions of toys. Nathan’s answer was simple — manpower.

“He has all the elves to help him,” said Nathan.

Putting a number on Santa’s workforce wasn’t something Nathan was able to do. However, it is a near certainty Santa is sitting on the largest non-unionized workforce in the world.

At Bear Creak Gifts 7-year-old Abigail Hudy was submitting her Christmas list to Mr. Claus. Abigail said Santa’s overnight deliveries to the world’s children is made possible by a magical sleigh, and, of course, the reindeer whose sole duty in life is to pull the sleigh.

At the speed of sound it would take more than 32 hours to fly around the world. Santa does it in a single night. Though he has time zones working in his favor, the statistics might lead one to ask, “Just what is Santa feeding those reindeer?”

“Carrots,” said Abigail.

When asked how Santa fit down a chimney, Nathan and Abigail both gave the same answer — it’s magic.

Perhaps the best explanation could be gained from Ole Saint Nick himself. According to Santa, the two youngsters were onto something with their magical explanations.

After gathering the Christmas wishes of 4-year-old Carter Simmons at Remember When Antiques, Santa and Carter elaborated on just how it’s all possible.

Like Abigail and Nathan, Carter cited the speedy sleigh. However, Santa might still need some help to make all those deliveries.

“It’s all magic,” said Santa. “Santa can make time stop.”

Perhaps that’s the explanation. Hermoine Granger used a time-turner in Harry Potter to attend multiple classes at the same time. Maybe Santa has a similar device.

That stated, it is purely speculation since Santa would not elaborate as to his means of bending or stopping time.

The best explanation as to how he manages to pull off Christmas may have been gathered from Santa during an interview at Bear Creek.

“You have to believe,” said Santa. “That’s what makes it all happen — believing.”

Believing is likely the concept that has kept Santa alive and delivering holiday cheer since Father Christmas started making his annual house calls in the 16th century. Believing is the concept which will keep the jolly man with the white beard busy for centuries to come.

That all makes more sense now, and with those explanations, we have finally gotten to the bottom of Santa’s logistical nightmare.

Michaela Boger, of Mocksville, said she’s not too old to submit her Christmas wish-list to Santa.
http://www.mtairynews.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/web1_Santa2.jpgMichaela Boger, of Mocksville, said she’s not too old to submit her Christmas wish-list to Santa.

Abigail Hudy, 7, takes an opportunity for a photo opportunity with Santa Claus at Bear Creek Gifts on Main Street.
http://www.mtairynews.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/web1_Santa3.jpgAbigail Hudy, 7, takes an opportunity for a photo opportunity with Santa Claus at Bear Creek Gifts on Main Street.

Carter Simmons, 4, poses for a picture with Santa at Remember When Antiques in Mount Airy.
http://www.mtairynews.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/web1_Santa1.jpgCarter Simmons, 4, poses for a picture with Santa at Remember When Antiques in Mount Airy.

Nathan Brown, 8, tells Santa he wants a football, among other items, at Wally’s Service Station Saturday.
http://www.mtairynews.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/web1_Santa4.jpgNathan Brown, 8, tells Santa he wants a football, among other items, at Wally’s Service Station Saturday.

By Andy Winemiller

awinemiller@civitasmedia.com

Andy is a staff writer for The News and can be reached at (336) 415-4698.

Andy is a staff writer for The News and can be reached at (336) 415-4698.

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